Carer for elderly parents
Carer for elderly parents a question to ask ourselves is it time? Our Baby boomers generation are now confronted with tough decisions to make. Namely: the best way to help Mum and Dad survive and continue living content and independently in their own home.
Carer for elderly parents
Help for our elderly parents – service
It’s one of life’s ironies our mums and dads who so dedicatedly took care us as children, into adulthood and beyond now often need our help in looking after and taking care of them. Are you one of millions with living parents aged over 80? Old age and all that goes with is something unavoidable and leaves us feeling helpless. Of course many people in their 80s and 90’s enjoy good health, but even in these cases their children tend to worry about what mum and dad’s health will be like tomorrow. Even though we would love our parents to live on forever- mortality awaits. Some tend not to dwell on it, others become very anxious about the subject.
There are many reminders, when we learn on a frequent basis of a friends or relative either becoming ill, taken into residential care, or deceased. These serve as a grim reminder too for their children as to what possibly awaits them in the future. However worrying about aging parents often begins long before the parents are actually in need of any help. This can have a negative impact on parents when they become aware of your anxiety about how they are coping.F or example do not pressurise parents to give a daily running report. They don’t want to be told every time you they leave the house for a while or take a short break/holiday to be constantly in touch. Or to constantly be calling them when previously you never called so often. Parents quickly pick up your anxieties as it transmits itself over the phone line. Are you OK, are you alright? Try to give them some space.
Carer for elderly parents – is caring in a reversed role.
Parents appreciate it’s a reverse role. From all the times they cared for you and were constantly checking you were OK now its your turn. But they would not be happy to see their children forever fretting over their aging parents. Parents are happy to see their children are happy. One of my friends who was used to taking long haul action holidays to Far east and beyond, have stopped taking them due to worries about being out of reach and away so long, just in case something happened to mum or dad. Yes it’s nice for mum and dad to feel you are protecting them but don’t over do it.
The demographic and cultural changes between today and how it was when we were kids is dramatically different. Before rarely did women actually go out to work, consequently there was someone around to take care of elderly parents (carer for elderly parents.). Whereas today in many cases two incomes is essential to exist comfortably as a family. End result: there is nobody available to take care of our elderly mums and dads. It’s also a fact nowadays we live much longer. Reaching age 65 and beyond was something of a rarity.
People today in their 60’s and beyond are stuck in a position of massive stress instead of fi=fulfilling their dream of independence in retirement. Due to the economic downturn many grown up children are still living at home, many with no job, prospects of a mortgage, and zero spending money. All of this places a huge burden on their parents who also have the task of and costs in taking care of their own parents too.
A carer for elderly parent’s can be an absolute saviour.
Unless there are substantial financial resources available meeting these needs is a huge problem. One solution is to bring their parents to live in with them. However this is fraught with complications such as complaints for other family members about the intrusion into their lives, surrendering privacy, and perceptions of putting up with grumpy granddads/grandma’s. This can place some families on the verge of breaking up.
Among a host of other issue, dealing with a spouse’s grumblings can take its too. Complaining about the intrusion in their lives, teenagers’ complaints about giving up the privacy of their rooms, and coming home to Grandma or Grandpa after school – a tempest that sometimes strains marriages to the breaking point.
How often do we hear: “I love my parents and would do anything for them, but…”
Children struggle between mixed loyalties: sense of responsibility, guilt at not doing enough, attending to their own requirements, job security, concerns about the future, and stressed out as to how it will all pan out!
Carer for elderly parents: children caring for their ageing parents can be a challenge!
Children find it taxing in being able to reason with their dogmatic set in their ways, their stubbornness in resisting any form of changes. Conversely aging parents resent being treated as if they are unable to understand the most basic of logic, and treated like a brainless incompetent individual. They can become very indignant about these issues.
Criticisms of selfishness can arise on both sides. On the one hand we have children pressing their parents to move perhaps into a place where they will be safe. Or more to the point so the children do not have to worry about their welfare anymore, as someone else will take care of them. Pushing people into giving up their home, indeed their lives often to relive the children of the burden.
On the other hand it can be seen as selfish for the elderly parents to want to hang on to a home they are no longer able to live in independently. To doggedly hang on when it’s clear they are unable to cope.
Parents’ often respond: “We just want enjoy being nagged and want to see out the rest of our lives howsoever we wish. But of course with all these thing =s money plays a big part. If you are a “Hollywood star” you just pick up the tab.
Parents often are oblivious of their real situation often showing denial symptoms and oblivious to the extent of their decline.
“I do love my parents very much but these days every time we speak it ends in an argument. So to keep the peace I simply stop listening to them. Sometimes to the point I don’t answer the phone when I know its mum or dad calling.
Sometimes there are scenarios where the children must be proactive. If for example one day mum or dad stumble and fall on to the floor. Is then unable to get up-then what?
Having read through all of this what conclusions can we draw? There is perfectly simple solution which is becoming more popular these days:- a live in au pair. It’s affordable and means there is someone taking care of your parents 24/7. Thus preventing them from falling over, which is the biggest threat to elderly people. Also taking the considerable strain away from the children.
Carer for elderly parents-challenging times ahead but can be resolved with the right approach and attitude.